イギリス大学院留学への挑戦

Some people think that products should be made to last as long as possible, while others think making the products cheap is more important.Describe both views and express your own opinion.

It is argued by some that manufacturers should produce products that last much longer, whereas others believe that bringing low-priced products is more essential. Both views have positive impacts, however, I opine that making sustainable products is more vital for the living environment.

On the one hand, some individuals contend that making low-price items has a lot of benefits. Firstly, if commodities are affordable, anyone can buy them. As a result, it may enrich people’s lives. For instance, when a TV was extremely expensive in the past, only a few rich people could buy them. Nowadays, as the price has become cheaper, most people can buy it and watch TV programs at home. Secondly, since prices have been reduced, economic conditions may improve because of the excessive consumption. The more price drops, the more buying motivation may develop. Accordingly, the low prices may lead to the improvement in the economy.

On the other hand, I assert that companies should design durable goods because consuming low-price merchandise tends to destroy environmental conditions. For example, fast fashion is one of the popular marketing strategies today. It is said that consumers purchase cheap clothes and throw them away frequently. It is a grave international issue, as when the waste is incinerated or reclaimed, greenhouse gas emissions are generated and the landfill causes water pollution. Therefore, the low-price leads to mass consumption and mass disposal, which may destroy the environment.

In conclusion, although some of the people think that lower prices are preferable than high-price, in my opinion, producers should pursue strive to create good quality products that users can use for a long time considering environmental sustainability.

 

赤字の部分が校正された部分です。完了形をもっと使えとコメントにもあります。

that は元はwhich にしていました。なぜ、that でなければならないか謎だったため、調べてみました。

制限用法のThat

that と whichの使い分けは、関係代名詞以下の部分が重要な情報なのか、追加情報なのか、という点です。

• That : 制限用法＝重要な情報；that以下を抜くと文章の意味が変わってしまう
• Which：非制限用法＝追加情報；which以下がなくても文章の全体の意味は変わらない

上記のエッセイの文で考えてみると、that 以下がないと意味をなさない文章になってしまいます。追加情報ではなくて、製品を特定する重要な情報です。

❌　manufacturers should produce products which last much longer

⭕️    manufacturers should produce products that last much longer

 

まとめ

簡単な文構造と単語のみの羅列ではLexical resourceとGrammar & Accuracyは伸びないということが改めてわかりました。

ちなみに、最初の添削では、

producers should  pursue to  create good quality products〜となっていました。

これには中学生でもわかる文法の誤りがあります。pursue create　は動詞＋動詞です。調べましたがcreateに名詞用法はありませんでした。そこで、添削者にメールで問い合わせたところ、「良い指摘ですね〜、should strive to createですね〜」と返ってきました。結構いい加減なところもあるようです。