イギリス大学院留学への挑戦

It is argued that there is a grave issue regarding traffic jam in mega cities around the world. This essay will first suggest the cause of this problem and then contend a few feasible solutions against this matter.

The foremost reason behind this problem is caused by development of traffic conditions and an increase in the number of private cars compared to the past. In addition, big cities tend to have numerous facilities. For instance, as roads have been constructed and it became comfortable to drive a car, many people have used their private cars when they go to their offices, go shopping and go on a trip on a daily basis. As a result, there are a lot of vehicles in the same place and time, due to commuting time and holiday season.

The possible measure of this development is that companies should introduce flextime system. If this method is set, employees commute on different times. Additionally, another strategy is that the government and corporations should propel laborers to work remotely. For example, in Japan, since teleworking was promoted because of COVID-19 threat, many workers came to work at their home regularly. This initiative led to a decrease in the traffic volume significantly. Accordingly, the air became better than before. 

In conclusion, nowadays, there are huge issues derived from traffic congestion, especially in metro cities, because of industrialization, centralization and growth of using cars by the public. This phenomenon may affect the environmental conditions negatively. The viable ways of solving are incorporating diverse working hours and teleworking

修正後　258 words

12月初旬に作ったエッセイです。新型コロナウィルス関連のトピックを入れてみました。

この問題は、なぜ起きたのか？その解決方法は？の二つが問われています。第１パラグラフは、問題文のパラフレイズ文と汎用可能な当たり障りのない定型文を書いています。

This essay will first suggest the cause of this problem and then contend a few feasible solutions against this matter.

「このエッセイではこの問題の原因とその解決法を述べますよー」と具体的なことは一切言ってません。

そして、Body１では「The foremost reason behind this problem is caused by development of 〜」と原因を述べます。

次にBody２で「The possible measure of this development is that〜」と解決法を提案しています。