イギリス大学院留学への挑戦

With the increase in computer use, many people feel that schools do not need to put the emphasis that they used to on basic handwriting skills or mental mathematics skills. 

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

It is argued by many that it is unnecessary to teach basic handwriting and mental mathematics skills in school because of a prevalence of using a computer. To some extent, I agree with this opinion, however, I believe that children should learn those skills as well.

On the one hand, nowadays, the public tends to use computer devices, such as a smartphone, a tablet and a laptop, on a daily basis in order to text, write paper and calculate. There are decreases in opportunities of activities by hand, and the utilization of a computer has a lot of efficiency in daily life. For instance, although some handwriting may be illegible, everyone can read digital writings. In addition, a mental calculation may be incorrect, whereas a calculation by a computer is fast and precise. Therefore, the use of a computer is more efficient than manual work.

On the other hand, similarly, I opine that basic writing and mental arithmetic skills are vital, as these abilities may support to acquire higher order thinking and Math capabilities. For example, when people study complex things, they may write words repeatedly and the points of the thesis so as to memorize and organize their ideas. Moreover, some individuals feel that digital letters may be impersonal, while handwritten letters are heartwarming. Additionally, according to experts, the mental math improves the function of the right cerebral hemisphere. Consequently, schools have to teach elementary writing and mental calculation methods.

In conclusion, the opinion of the majority is that children do not need to study essentially physical writing and mental computing hard; nonetheless, I contend that these traditional skills should not be dismissed in elementary school completely.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? の回答の仕方

まず、どの程度賛成か述べなくてはいけません。

• 完全同意　I completely agree with this view
• 完全反対    I strongly disagree with this opinion
• 一部賛成/反対 I partially agree/disagree with
• ある程度賛成するけどもう一方の方が良いと思う　To some extent, I agree with this view, however, I believe that ~ as well. 

このエッセイでは４番の、提示された意見にはある程度賛成するけど、もう一方も重要だと思うという論理展開にしています。ですので、両サイドの意見を述べています。

イントロで問題文のパラフレ文、どの程度賛成かを述べ、Body1では賛成意見、Body2で反対意見を述べています。そして、結論でもう一度問題文をパラフレーズした後、反対意見を強調して閉めています。

校正者からは流れや構成は良いが、語彙が乏しいと指摘されています。私の場合はいつも語彙と文法の貧しさが足を引っ張ります。もう少しアカデミックな語彙や複雑な文法を織り込む必要があるようです。